You are reading this page for the reason you want to know how to get over an ex boyfriend.  Let us first look into the mistakes women make from successfully getting over an ex boyfriend.  It is best we look into this perspective first so you will know the things to watch out for and to effectively carry out getting over an ex boyfriend.

For many decades that I’ve been helping women get over an ex, the one thing that I always encounter  is simply how prolonged a good deal of us are inclined to carry on towards the relationship even after the break up.

The obstacle is we always look into the best experiences of the past relationship!

We look back to how incredible every little thing was and just how happy we ended up with each other. But disappointingly, many of us cling to this glorified image for an unnecessary extended period of time and it truly ends up hurting us.

Once we bear in mind how wonderful the relationship was at first, part of us desires to feel that one day we’ll be able to be under that “feeling” once again. Even if the relationship is already heading downhill, because you guys are continuously disagreeing and arguing, there is part of you that’s still leaning on towards the possibility some day you will be able to get things back again.

You might get to thinking, “Why give up on this now?”, “After all the best times we’ve had, we need to work things out for the better”, “Let us overcome the difficulties we are having through the relationship right now.”

Hope is important in order to make a romantic relationship work.        

But if inappropriately used, hope creates false hope.  Hope itself is not the drawback.  It is when hope is improperly used.

We use it to provide ourselves the energy and courage we need to persist in the tough periods in our relationship.  But we can also use it to mislead ourselves. One of many commonest approaches that we use hope to mislead ourselves is by building up false hope.

You admit that you already have apprehensions within your relationship.  You have probably talked about it with your boyfriend once. He did pay attention when you brought up your concerns but absolutely nothing changes. Or perhaps he did not even pay attention whatsoever and yet you tell yourself that everything’s going to be fine. You then tend to convince yourself that your concerns are merely for the moment and will eventually fade away with time.

Days, weeks, and months pass and you are still running against exactly the same troubles over again. And yet you nevertheless proceed to carry on to the hope that things are going to alter, even in a troubled situation that is still existent.

After some time, some people’s hope on surpassing the troubles in their relationship fades.   It’s merely a defense mechanism.  They have developed this mechanism in order to avoid the disappointment they really feel whenever they try to work out their troubles.  They end up winding nowhere.

They will come to ignore the troubles they are facing in the relationship.  They can pretend that everything’s fine. They can tuck the issue away or persuade themselves that there really was no big issue or trouble in the first place worth fixing for the relationship to work. They tell convince themselves to stop looking into the small things or allow the “little things” break the relationship. They enlighten themselves to being optimistic and not dwell on the deadened side.

Unfortunately, this is escape.  It is not optimism but avoidance from the reality of the true relationship condition.  This is a misstep on how to get over an ex boyfriend.What they basically wind up doing is numbing themselves from the troubles they are facing in their relationship.  They just shut down fully as a way to avoid sensation from each of the unfavorable and unpleasant feelings they are experiencing.  This will help you avoid the sensation of hurt, anger and disappointment but this also hinders you from feeling the positive emotions such as happiness and joy.  Although there isn’t much left of happiness at this point in the relationship as well.  Either way, you are attached to this situation of denying what is truly happening with your relationship because you are afraid of a break up.

According to Elizabeth Gilbert, author ofEat, Pray, Love, “The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more imposissioble than staying was leaving.

Sooner or later, we eventually gather up the courage to leave the relationship. But as we are close to getting there, we get frightened. We cannot imagine losing everything we had and living a life without our boyfriend.  This is when reasoning and justification starts.

We can start to reason out by telling ourselves, ““look he’s making an attempt to get better, he’s making adjustments and changing, it wouldn’t be reasonable to go away now.”  We enlighten ourselves by being optimistic and see things not as bad as the situation really is or the situation is getting better; and find proof or examples to back up what we think. 

You do all things you can to attempt to cover up your relationship frustrations.   You make yourself believe that you are satisfied with your relationship.  You hang on to hoping that things will eventually get better.

Stop fooling yourself and face the music.  It takes a lot of courage to face reality.  Deep inside you know something is wrong and not working anymore.  You may have decided to let time do the breaking up; that you wait for time to ultimately give an end to your relationship.  It will be much easier to let the relationship stop on its own.  You are only convincing yourself that the issues and troubles are getting better.  But if you are only deceiving yourself into this, you cannot be untruthful to yourself endlessly.

Again by Elizabeth Gilbert: “Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.”

When you are in a relationship and you are aware things are not working right anymore, it can be very exhausting.  Relationships are supposed to make our lives a lot easier.  But being involved in a draining one is clearly already inappropriate anymore.   You feel emotionally tired trying to work things out all the time.  It is like fitting a triangular block in a cylindrical hole.  In time you will feel frustrated, irritated and saddened of your efforts not working.  But you are still holding on to the hope that one day everything will turn out right.

At some point you have to face what’s been in front of your eyes the entire time: the shape will not fit no matter how much effort you put into it. There comes a time exactly when you realize that you’re only causing more pain to oneself by persistently keeping on and making the attempts to fit the shape.

“Relationships are like glass…sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself trying to put it back together.”

This is a perfect passage in reference to working your way to saving an unpromising relationship.

Just this previous week I received an e-mail from a girl who is now struggling to get back together with her ex boyfriend.  This girl has been discarded three years now.  There is still a part of her that wants to be reunited with her ex boyfriend.  Waiting still for her ex boyfriend to come back to her three years after the break up is a rather intense case.  But I frequently run into these type of problems.

Another thing I really can’t stand seeing is a post break up situation when one has moved on while the other one is still hanging on to getting back together.

To be able to be successful on how to get over an ex boyfriend, you have to avoid the thoughts of the both of you getting reunited.  This is meant for you to be able to move on with lesser difficulty.  Otherwise, you will have a hard time trying to move on when there’s still a part of you that’s secretly considering getting back with each other.

You have to prevent wishing and hoping that you two are getting back together.  This is the primary step on how to get over an ex boyfriend.  You will never be able to move on if you are still looking and clinging on to the past.   

Be careful though of slippery thoughts your mind may consider…

At times your thoughts can trick you into contemplating that you’ve really accepted the break up but however it nonetheless keeps the possibility of you two reuniting sometime in the future!

It is that voice that creeps up and says, “maybe what we actually want is simply a while apart. That way I can learn from my shortcomings and he’ll learn from his and after that we’ll get back and it’ll be amazing again”

There’s always that idea creeping in you that you might be getting back together some time in the future.  This idea kills.  Do not tolerate or entertain this notion.  Always keeping in mind you two may get back together is among the most dangerous errors you make when you are trying to get over from your ex boyfriend.

You are torn between finally getting over him and the slippery thought of maybe after a cool off things will work out for you and your ex again.And what is occurring instead is finding you trapped in the same emotions!  You cannot move on.  You will be in denial because you haven’t genuinely accepted the reality thus you have not offered yourself the opportunity to actually grieve over the break up.  This is why it will be harder to move on because you have not fully accepted the fact of totally losing your ex boyfriend.

So if your perspective on your break up is vague leaving an “open loop” – you have to fix it.  You have to settle with your emotions and set it straight that your relationship with your ex boyfriend is totally over.  Be sure that your ex boyfriend is clear about it too.  You have to come into this understanding otherwise each of you may still be waiting around for each other.  If your ex boyfriend initiated the break up, be accepting even though it will be hard on your part.  

This is what we call “closure”

Closure is absolutely important in the event you desire to recover from your ex and move on. So if you’re serious about getting over your ex boyfriend, you have to be firm with the decision not to entertain any thoughts that you two may get back together.  Make it possible that your mind is willing to move on from the break up and from your ex boyfriend.

Saying this aloud will help you sink in the unfortunate circumstance of your break up and accept that your relationship with one another is over:

“It’s over and he’s not coming back. Not now and not sometime in the future.”

That phase of your life is over.  It is time to open a new chapter of your life and look into the different opportunities the future may bring.  It is only your will that makes how to get over an ex boyfriend possible. 

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